fungus mungus

chapter eleven

2009-07-08T22:38:00.003+08:00

"as harold took a bite of bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank god for bavarian sugar cookies. and, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten danish, soft-spoken secrets, and fender stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. and we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. they are here to save our lives. i know the idea seems strange, but i also know that it just so happens to be true. and, so it was, a wristwatch saved harold crick."
- kay eiffel in stranger than fiction.

i have chosen my side and burned the bridge down.

- bitter

rehash

2009-03-29T01:06:00.001+08:00

what is it that makes people tick. what is it that makes them smile. what is it that makes them cry. what is it that makes them flare.

it is the stories they tell themselves. you see, somehow it does not matter what the circumstances, the intentions, the tone, the words or actions. like a movie being played in all replete, the audience shall interpret the minutes and frames as they deem fit. one person's vomit is another's treasure.

sometimes we wished that things would be better. at times we wonder why. and for the most part attempting to make the sense of the world with anything that rhymes with our reason. it does not matter does it? because we are the stories we tell ourselves.

- bitter

code name: raven

2009-02-23T00:15:00.004+08:00

if only life would play out like a movie or a novel. where every event, emotion and character is slowly but surely being played out in its parts in fluency. not missing the fact that every good movie and story alike, lurks the melodrama, characterisation and many other favourable ingredients.

regrettably, life does not work that way. unlike a movie or story where there will always be the next minute, the next page no matter how great an adversity. where it always plays out: the plot unfolds and 'life' just goes on again. our life in fact is rather the antithesis. it is this life that allows for great jubilation and the very same life that creates despondency of such magnitude capable of self-destruction. it is this life that at times we wished would end this moment (spare me the agony) and the same which at times hope the days will constantly replay itself.

mine does not differ from most others. i have my good and bad days. days where things just falls in place and days where murphy's law must have been in full effect. i have things i can never have or experience enough of and things that i never want to be in the slightest association to. i have my fair share of friends and fiends. though not a movie where i can watch it play through nor a book with its deft words and quaint ending, i love my life; everything in it.

i love my life and for that reason it can never be important.

john 12

25in the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. but if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal.

- bitter

privy

2008-12-25T23:40:00.007+08:00

romans 12

1-2so here's what I want you to do, God helping you: take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. instead, fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out. readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

i have no doubt that many of us out there knows what it means not to conform. we all have been there and done that. at at least one point in out lives we all have been conscientiously making that effort not to seem like all the others out there by going against the school rules, authority at home, our speech (creating new words), our behaviour and appearance. at that stage of our lives; we think hard, almost every waking hour or even dream about how to stand out, be different, not conform to our culture, our system, their thinking and norms.

come now putting things to perspective - you have not conformed to the world but what about your leaders, your friends, the bigger body of people you belong to? so is the above mentioned 'worldly' or bad? no, not in the least. the point is not in our conformity to subjects or values or system, it is about our fixation on Christ. you know so well what is required of you by your leaders, you could even predict your friends answer or response before you even ask him or her that question. you have such an understanding of how your culture around you works but what about God? you are so ready to pick up your friends call, eager to ask them out, anxious to impress them, guilty when you fall short of their expectations of you but what about Him? more emotions and effort engaged or at the very least the same level of enthusiasm you have for your peers?

do you know at first thought what God requires of you in every situation? is your relationship with Him on such a level that you are so lost and crippled when you don't have the weekly sermons, your leaders to remind you what is right and wrong or even when you do not read His word for a day. are you so in tuned with Him that in every "what do i do?" moments you are able to listen and respond to what he requires of you to do?

we clothe ourselves with work, ministry, work, ministry and more work. layers upon layers, one after another even before we have the time to take of the previous clothes and have a nice bath to scrub and wash off all the grime and dirt that wears us down. so used to that comfort that we feel guilty standing just as we are before Him, empty with nothing to offer. so we work but it gets suffocating, it gets warm and as we get closer to the finish line, we lose our focus on the prize; we get uncomfortable, upset and worried about many things (and the unfortunate give up). the point i say again is not conforming to them, wearing the same shoes or attire or running the same way to the the finish. He never said for you to finish the race in winter clothes nor with nothing at all. the point is to finish for Him, with Him and in Him.

to respond not conform.

luke 10

41-42"martha, martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

- bitter

thirteen scores ago

2008-11-29T00:13:00.003+08:00

i still remember a particular observation a friend made about me.

"you are a very extreme person."

i stood there puzzled for a brief moment before clarifying what she meant. she then went on to explain that she observed me to be a person engaged in extreme polarities. i would be either very obsessed or apparently apathetic towards any other matter that did not manage to catch my interest.

perhaps many people see me this way. but nonetheless, i can not see myself so obsessed or fanatical regarding the many issues and things in my life. yes, there will be important, emotional, time consuming, relational or even life threatening issues but such devotion to matters will always give them to have permission to bother, control or even dictate our life, mindset and emotions. true that most of these things we get involved in always begins with the greater good or benefit in mind but mostly and surely it always ends up as a burden or becomes our life itself.

me, obsessed yes.
apathetic, no but rather calm, collected and rather objective regarding every other thing that i am not obsessed about.

vibes, vibes, vibes...

- bitter

thirteen more sunset

2008-11-04T22:44:00.003+08:00

i borrow these words from the pages of the abolition of man by cs lewis -

in a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. we make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. we laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. we castrate and bid the geldings to be fruitful.

and with all that said it still stands firm half a century later. in fact that few statements has become clearer with passing time. education has lost its intended purpose. rather it has become a tool to train the young with knowledge and information rather than the inoculation of values and beliefs. science has become the magical word to silence values. you see, the case is a rather simple one. to take away these universal desired qualities out of the equation results in a stasis. a state whereby no decisions, judgment or choice can have a say. they just hold no value.

the extremities aside, lets look at something more conceivable. the modern tendency to throw aside traditional values with rationality. and without their chest, men fail to realise that these values have nothing of the negative implications society has placed on traditional or ancient these days. and us the 'trained' ones often take any of these values at whim molding it to our intellectual reason to create a whole new system of our own 'reasoning'. men with no chests.

and i repeat cs lewis's words again -

in a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. we make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. we laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. we castrate and bid the geldings to be fruitful.

we take away the values which defines right and wrong, the human element and expect integrity. rather we become man with no chests, lacking the torso to connect mind and heart. maybe and likely the final chapter of this story would end like the last chapter of the abolition of man, the abolition of man.

- bitter

masticated

2008-10-29T22:49:00.004+08:00

well i have been talking much less these months. i do not know why but i guess less is better.

sometimes we talk too much. way too much.

upcoming;

marathon.
month long break.
new stuff.
new toys.

- bitter

indirect deposition

2008-07-20T22:40:00.006+08:00

what is it that makes people tick. what is it that makes them smile. what is it that makes them cry. what is it that makes them flare.

the stories they tell themselves. you see, somehow it does not matter what the circumstances, the intentions, the tone, the words or actions. like a movie being played in all replete, the audience shall interpret the minutes and frames as they deem fit. one person's vomit is another's treasure.

sometimes we wished that things would be better. at times we wonder why. and for the most part attempting to make the sense of the world with anything that clicks with our reason. it does not matter does it. because like a movie, we are the stories we tell ourselves.

- bitter

hors de combat

2008-06-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

you smell like an old lady. was there a time when you had so much things going through your head that it seems empty because nothing would come out, because it just seems so empty. you remind me of her - your smile, your infectious energy and the way you look at me. it is lukewarm now, more subdued than usual. i feel you stealing glances at me, maybe it is just my imagination. i always thought i knew what i was looking for but it all seems so wrong at the thirteenth hour. i still turn my head every time i smell that scent, the one that i can not forget. the yellow suns on my curtains have faded, it seems the sunshine in my life have disappeared too. you talk, they talk and everyone talks but who is there to listen. i have a dream, a dream which trails back five years ago. a dream that i wish i would awaken from and yet a dream i would imagine a happy ending. why can not birthdays be a celebration of those around me? my birth - every person around smiling, grinning from ear to ear except me, the one crying, squirming uncomfortably. no matter how uncomfortable, i will try to bring you the smile you are due. i do hope you get both your feet back on the ground soon, very soon. does the company matters, or perhaps the personalities that satisfies. i have kept my promise somewhat, you changed your number and i could not buy it from you. sometimes we try to make too much of everything, sometimes they just never carried any sense. so long, the girl with the broken smile.

- bitter

antonym

2008-06-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

i would have to say after watching mr. magorium's wonder emporium, i have rediscovered a part of me that slipped into the recess during the so-called growing up stages. this movie does not try to impress nor try to be what it should be. it just was - a simple movie with a simple story to tell. no fancy effects, no sublime prose and non of the enormous casts.

instead, an unpretentious bunch of characters greets you with dashes of ingenious lines and their magical moments. like tasting candies for the first time as a kid, mr. magorium made me smile again.

mr. magorium's wonder emporium never tried to be, it just was and i loved it.

- bitter

enamoured

2008-06-04T11:23:00.006+08:00

"when king lear dies in act v, do you know what shakespeare has written? he's written "he dies." that's all, nothing more. no fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. the culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "he dies." it takes shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "he dies." and yet every time i read those two words, i find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. and i know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "he dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. i've lived all five of my acts, mahoney, and i am not asking you to be happy that i must go. i'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. and if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "he died."" - dustin hoffman in mr. magorium's wonder emporium.

- bitter

iteration of a

2008-05-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

i love the clear blue skies. i love how it makes the world seem so peaceful at that very moment.
i love the clear water of the beach. i love how its waves crashes onto the shore in regular repetition.
i love my sleep. i love how it energizes this worn body at night.
i love people. i love the smile on their faces.

i dislike the grey, abysmal skies. i hate the violent stream of liquid it carries.
i dislike the adulterated water of the beach. i hate how its water is ever so potently emetic.
i dislike my sleep. i hate how it wastes a third of my day.
i dislike people. i hate how they never fail to irritate.

with every solution a new problem arises. with every coin there is two faces. with everything comes a side that pleases and causes despair.

maybe, just maybe it is time to sit on the fence.

- bitter

touch wood

2008-04-06T21:38:00.002+08:00

i was just looking through the news quite sometime ago when i saw this, "italy's highest court has ruled that men who scratch, adjust or otherwise manipulate their genitals in public are committing a criminal offence."

come on... if men touching their genitals in public is an act contrary to public decency, then what about the numerous women who 'touch' their genitals, chest or brassiere. and with that i do mean that no sane person would touch their genitals in public but rather it is the unfortunate circumstance (which we all definitely have) of their undergarments putting their jewels in a rather unbearable situation hence the need to adjust that undergarment and not to touch their genitals.

sad little creature.

- bitter

emulator

2008-03-05T22:15:00.003+08:00

it is unnerving to see how 'grown' up you have become.

the union of society with the growing up of a child can or should i say might result in frankenstein or our modern day prometheus. who would have thought that the industrial revolution would have such far reaching effect. who then would ever imagine the cityscapes and technological advances because of those changes made then. and as i look at you, i see innocence forgone.

well, you see. it was only now that set my cells thinking the numerous out there like you. throw anything to a toddler and they would see it as a new toy. throw anything to a six grader and who knows what individual interpretations they would have for it. sure a pen would be a pen. but give them love, politics, convictions, ideas and who knows what concoctions would result; i fear the worse. what would these kids know? trust me, even adults are having problems dealing with these issues (relationships, acceptance, addictions, guilt).

perhaps it is the inevitable, the seamless integration of media, technology, society and knowledge with our lives. the next revolution but rather with creeping effects this time round.

something is not right.
let kids be kids. grow up, not.
first they had role models, now they are role players - albeit too soon.

- bitter

randen

2008-02-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

it has almost been four weeks after my anterior cruciate ligament reconstruction surgery. recovery has been on track so far. other than the perk of being able to stay at home and not going to work nothing else seems appealing to the baggage that comes along with the operation. not to say the excruciating first two weeks after the operation - limited mobility accompanied with painful muscle strains and pull - you will get the snuggly warm feeling because everyone is asking you, 'how is your leg?' aww... such concern.

'i am fine, thank you.'

true. till every other sentence you will ever hear is, 'how is your leg?'

'i am fine, thank you.'

you see, i am already starting to walk now, albeit not very well yet but i am able to move around. now compare this with the leg four weeks ago and unless your ability to perceive data and register them is nil, do not by now realise that this question is a bit redundant.

yes, i acknowledge your concern. but take this example:

my friend jay had a bad fall and fractured his arm. the first week - arm in cast and supported by sling around his neck. i would ask how is his arm. the second week - arm in cast and not supported by sling anymore. i would say there is an improvement. the third week - arm still in cast but able to move it around. i would just say hi.

to me, to ask the same question for weeks only proves two things, either you are seriously inept or one who just can not be bothered to even be concerned hence not even realising that i am recovering. of which both equally exasperate me.

for the last time, 'i am fine, thank you.'

- bitter

bungle

2008-02-08T00:03:00.000+08:00

- bitter

was

2008-01-06T02:25:00.000+08:00

mallory,

it has been agonising, with neither the refreshing rain nor festive snow. try as i might, i find it difficult to paint this picture into words with my state of thought in disarray. but i am glad that the prospect of writing a letter to you - seeing your smile - brings strength. enough for this letter to be penned.

these few nights were like no others. the days persists with grey skies, short showers and winds that constantly sends shivers through my bone. the night plays host to a moon always veiled by the clouds, as if still asleep in its slumber. those people were so adamant that this place was teeming with abundance. and honestly, during my first few days here i could not agree with them more. i thought that i would never want to leave this place. but these joy crashed as quickly as it came.

as the euphoria starts to wear of, my mind starts to clear somewhat. as if finally being awake on a sunday morning after waking up for the third time. something seems to be earnestly lacking. there is a shocking emptiness in the atmosphere. in the day, people here are always pacing to and fro the streets as if chasing after something. the something that holds just enough weight; just enough to move these people in such a disciplined routine daily and nothing more. then there is these group of people which comes alive in the night. easily recognisable by their strange octopus like movement. as if having limited control of their limbs. some laugh their way home, others fumble or cry and some can not even make their way back home. they always say drinking that spirit makes them feel good. it gives them the high. i simply am unable to comprehend. how can not being in control of yourself make you feel good?

or maybe they were all just like me. confused, lost. maybe, to them reality is so unendurable that being detached from mind and body is the best they could ask for. but unlike them, i do not think i would want to go down that path. i would just leave this town and head home. home, where i know my father awaits, where my inheritance is. this is definitely better than being stuck in a cycle that only makes ourselves more empty each passing day.

- bitter

herald

2007-11-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

"i write entirely to find out what i'm thinking, what i'm looking at, what i see and what it means. what i want and what i fear." - joan didion

- bitter

lexicon

2007-09-12T00:25:00.000+08:00

a casual browse through brought to my attention the anonymity of 'stranger' who comment almost a year ago on december 15. and what was something which i would have just brushed aside have since sticked to me. we all have it. this random question that finds all of us every once in awhile. this haphazard thought, image seen or words absorbed that becomes this question that tugs at your mind refusing to pass out from existence until answered.

would the person in focus remove curiosity shrouding me.
remove the veil of anonymity if the kindness in you will.

- bitter

meadows

2007-07-26T01:12:00.000+08:00

promises - my word given in words to someone or people that at that point onwards they have every right to expect those words giving birth to actions.

as of now, there are five that i have to fulfill:

one. a promise that spans my lifetime.
two and three. promises i got to get over and done with.
four and five. promises that depends on my future circumstances.

i can not explain how heavily these five weighs down on me.

- bitter

cineast

2007-07-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

i am not a movie buff nor do i have the fantastic ability to remember every single movie i have watched. but as most get forgotten or once in awhile an excellent subject for my verbal abuse, these are the few which left positive impressions.

the noteworthy, in my opinion:

. crying out love in the center of the world
. the village
. transformers
. closer
. match point
. amelie of montmartre
. the prestige
. grave of the fireflies

- bitter

soft

2007-07-01T22:52:00.000+08:00

look around. nutrition labels in their vastness, health warnings on cigarette boxes making their silent protest, the inanimate body that you saw sprawled in the most awkward fashion on the road decorated with blood, the homeless scarred by monsters fighting under the guise of freedom, ceaseless tears of the numerous who wished if only they could turn back time and not make that mistake.

let us educate, start campaigns, create awareness, provide the information and allow the people to decide for themselves. regrettably, many of us are never able to make the right choices. if we could, sixty million people would not have died from smoking related diseases, twenty five million people could have been spared the agonising demise from the human immunodeficiency virus, nine hundred and twenty nine million foetus would have seen the light of day, obesity would be a joke as with anorexia and sinking countries would occur in fairy tales.

face it, we do not have the means to make sound choices in this unsound world today. we just do not.

"men have an extraordinarily erroneous opinion of their position in nature; and the error is ineradicable." w. somerset maugham

- bitter

exasperate

2007-06-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

validated:
most of you out there do not know me well enough yet.
so meanwhile just shut it.

- bitter

bench

2007-06-11T00:56:00.000+08:00

do not ask me why i collected these. but i guess there would be someone out there who would like to get their hands on such stuff.

what i have is snow or you can call it melted snow from carhaix - plouguer (commune in France; before you go typing in your search engine). i could gladly spare a few small bottles to be given away. in any case you are questioning, no this is not water from your taps or streets. just melted snow.

- bitter

may

2007-05-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

it surprises me to see the number of post i have so far in this month of may. that is more than any month since year two thousand and five. so i think i will make this the last one for this month.

the never go wrong outfit for girls:
a skinny with sneakers and a t-shirt or two or more layers of clothes. perfect.

may.

- bitter

allergen

2007-05-26T23:05:00.001+08:00

my shoes that have became too worn to be worn: adidas stan smith, reebok legacy classic, dc digit.

my shoes that are about to be too worn to be worn: converse jack purcell.

so as such, replacements that i have got are: saucony jazz original, puma sky ii.

replacements that i will be getting if i can find them: adidas stan smith vulcanised, reebok legacy low, converse chuck taylor.

i love my shoes.

- bitter

apathetic

2007-05-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

you blew it once too many.

i am sure the word emotions finds many of you familiar. this word derived from the middle english word, mod. some know this emotions as feelings or mood. some find it a bane others a boon. emotions i concur is to be one of the many amazing gifts we will ever have. without the stretching polarity of sadness with happiness, will one ever be able to understand the degrees of happiness. same goes for hope without despair, security without fear, excitement without boredom and anger without self control.

emotions were never meant to be controlled. one can never change or become better in his or her emotions or controlling them for the matter. they are always around so silent as if non existent and when the fulfilling requirements have been met, they spring to life filling you with them. put to picture - a person who just lost somebody so very dear to him. can he 'control' his emotions have feel happy instead of sadness? or even, another person who just been humiliated by some other guy. can he 'control' his emotions from humiliation to pride?

'i shall learn to control my emotions better,' will always be the wrong resolution or decision to make. because you will never ever be able to see the light at the end of this endless tunnel. so am i saying we should all start being the hypocrite in town? obviously no. how by not complaining about how hungry your are but rather keeping quiet and waiting for the meal to arrive when you are famished is being hypocritical? how is not going around beating every other person you see when so incensed being hypocritical? how?

hence, we should be letting our own selves be the driver of our life's vehicle. many, one too many time we have been the passenger and emotions the driver, allowing our lives to be driven by angry, happy, sad and envious emotions at their whim and fancy. take the wheel, be the driver and let emotions be just another crazy passenger, belted on its own little seat.

yes, emotions can not be controlled but you can most definitely choose the expression or accompanying behaviour. be the driver.

- bitter

switch

2007-05-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

if there is one thing that i could change for the past year. that thing would be the obligation of the giving of gifts during occasions, especially birthdays. gifts, as their name implies as something given over to someone voluntarily. since when did occasions become the binding clause for the meaning of voluntarily in the word gifts. so as when did friendship or even acquaintanceship inflate or deflate in position based on gifts. so seemly.

- bitter

colours

2007-05-07T00:31:00.000+08:00

these below are just a morsel of the many things i never yet got to understand in my twenty years of life.

people who would rather use their hands to touch the seat of someone who just left (to gauge the degree of warmness) than just sitting over that seat with their butts. after all, nobody knows how long a period that person sitting did not wash their jeans or did they not fart numerous times awhile ago on the seat. please what belongs down the rear, belongs down the rear. not your hands.

people who would talk loudly on their mobiles. and most of the time when asked why the common reply would be: because i cannot hear the other party properly. well, if that is so, i reckon that you bring your talk down to a whisper and your other whispering party might just start blaring. viola! problem solved.

girls who would play a game of human percussion. and mind you the only good percussion in this case would be non other than themselves. acting all nice and not knowing, she starts to incite this poor (in some cases, lucky) man to slap her back on the arms or back. the simple act of silly talk which will always lead to a valid or absurd reason for this little lady to provoke this man to retaliate. common action for provoking would be - proding, pinching, jelly slapping (imaging a half hearted slap) and the godzilla smack. think out loud, either you equate to dirt cheap or just gave guys that amazing opportunity to fiddle you all over.

people bitching about others. both party sums up to be idiots. others - idiots who did you. you - a person who bitches about them, read 'no different in calibre from those others'.

- bitter

digit

2007-05-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

homosapiens:

the fidelity of their mind coupled with their incapacity for steadfastness. the fact of the superiority of their brains threatened by evidence like deforestation, global warming and wars in the name of peace. the complexity of their body deflated by their frailty. the bravado of freedom for their kind manufactured a product that encompasses fear . the quality distinguishing between them and beast - soul; an incongruity formed by their penchant for all things material.
the long-standing enigma.

- bitter

plain

2007-04-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

genesis 2

18now the Lord God said, it is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; i will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.

it has never occurred to me how plain in mind i was when i still always thought that God is all we need. God is the reason for everything. God should be the only reason that you are coming to church and the list continues indefinitely. getting me wrong? am i saying that God is not sufficient at all? or is the allure of such a foremost figure not worth even a pinch of salt?

God without a doubt shall be the head of the body. but what is a body just with you - a single part - and the head going to amount to? you will never be able to experience the protection from the bones nor the pleasure of sensations from touch. more would be missing out on the blood you need for your running, skin that seals you in from all the contamination in the environment and the fats that keeps you snugly and warm. and when all these parts falls into place with the head, only can then you this part be a part; belong as a part; feel like a part.

in conclusion, it was never the issue of God. rather, it is us, always the third person that deserves the lashing. the next time someone starts to fall short, stop focusing on the head. bluntly, the fault might just be you.

1 corinthians 12

19-24but i also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. for no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. what we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place...

25-26the way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't...

27-31you are Christ's body—that's who you are! you must never forget this. only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything...

- bitter

askance

2007-02-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

mark 11

12... Jesus was hungry. 13seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. when he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14then he said to the tree, "may no one ever eat fruit from you again." and his disciples heard him say it.

imagine you being punished for something that does not seem to be your fault. i guess the fig tree could imagine that. being cursed to wither just because it had no fruits. come on, it was not even the season for figs. you can not blame the tree.

but now let us imagine a time when you were not in the season for figs (owing it to what the reasons may be). and at such a time someone or even yourself comes along hungry expecting to find some fruit to eat so as to be able to carry on his or her journey. the result - no fruit. excusable? no.

remember how there was a season for love, a season for forgiveness, a season for persistence, a season for resisting temptations, a season for discipline, a season for gentleness and a season for kindness. yes, you do do not you? and all through these seasons, everyone bore fruits of its kind did it not? you remember do not you? and you also remember how you ate these fruits happily and ran along on your journey while leaving the rest behind to decay.

perhaps you did not see that one day you might need that fruit when the season for figs passed. and you should have by now. such fruits borne were not those that would definitely rot after days. these fruits are the lessons, attitudes and revelations that could have stayed to keep you or others on the journey. they would. if only you did not forget about them.

keep the fruits from the season for figs. do yourself a favour, do not ever be caught without fruits. it sucks. really.

20in the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots.

- bitter

zaibatsu

2007-01-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

i actually had the opportunity to open a christmas present a few days back. the only thing was that my opening of this present had been 3 years overdue. the feeling of unwrapping a gift three years old happens to fall on the other side of the rousing anticipation you get when opening a gift fresh from the giver. this blandness of anticipation is futher accentuated by my own 'i know exactly what is behind those wrappers' mentality.

was i surprised by the propriety of the gift. one which i never would imagine anyone close to get me. clearer would be - one which i never imagine anyone to get me. perhaps only for the closest and in my sense would only be the boogey man that follows me everywhere. even then as close as you were, i never thought you be able to pick up that scent.

something that i thought was chocolate all along turned out to be something that managed to squeeze a smile out of me. the most obscure one, almost mona lisa like. regardless, i guess it is also time i should start clearing my little drawer. it should have been.

- bitter

ex cathedra

2007-01-02T18:31:00.000+08:00

christmas. a day always recorded with laughters, gifts, food and companionship.

they say it was the day that God came as a baby in a manger but since when did the gifts buying and merry making come in. definately perturbable.

i remember reading about a story that happened two thousand six hundred years ago in a town called bethlehem. about a boy that was born in a feeding bowl for animals. another thirty some year later was hung on the cross. sentenced through the most absurd trial ever in history. christmas was never just about the birth of a "God baby" in a manger with joseph and three wise men. it was about the life this little boy lived.

it was about living in an discomforting enviroment, having to give rather than receive, being content even when hungry, able to sleep through the storm and lastly suffering for loved ones so they would not suffer. indeed for some like the maxim goes - christmas is the season of giving and loving.

for this little boy, christmas is his life.

- bitter

insuperable

2006-10-03T17:37:00.000+08:00

"it's a lie. it's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. but the people in the photos are sad, and alone... but the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie." - natalie portman in closer.

- bitter

mimesis

2006-09-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

till yesterday, everytime when i roll my eyes and stare at a group of girls who cannot shut up and stop talking or rather shouting given the volume they converse at, one thought goes into my mind - empty vessels. now i would use 'loud mouths' to describe them.

i have reserved the empty vessels tag for something better. looking at paul, peter, david, jeremiah, elijah, ezekiel and many other heroes of the book. they were all empty vessels. empty for God. no, they were not vessels lined with pride, knowledge nor spirituality. they were empty in all their entirety, yielded to His cause. comparing my shout to theirs it proves the saying true - empty vessels make the most noise.

galatians 2

20i have been crucified with Christ [in Him i have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer i who live, but Christ (the Messiah) lives in me; and the life i now live in the body i live by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

- bitter

firebrand

2006-09-24T00:59:00.000+08:00

today's topic - are eyes the window to the soul?

i would say yes. how many times have you heard someone saying to you, "do not look at a dog in the eye when you are afraid of it. it will be able to sense your fear." animals are not the only ones that look at our intentions through our eyes. here is another - "hey, i need you to look me straight in the eye and tell me that you are not lying to me." yes, though you might disagree but we all have to be in agreement that the our eyes do play some part in revealing the substance our soul.

to which, i say there are above the eyes, many other windows to the soul. picture this, our body is a huge castle with scores of rooms and halls. the day we received God into our lives, we permitted God to live in this room called the heart. for some, their hearts are even further divided into compartments, leaving God just a standing space in such a hearty room. after sometime, we allow God entry to other rooms. maybe the hands or mouth. but certainly as the person we are, impose a clampdown on the access times. the entry times being only the time when we are in church. the others read - out of bound to God.

you ask, "why has not my live changed?" "why does not God answer my prayer?" "why can not i get out of this bad habit of mine?"

let me ask and you tell me. what good can a mechanic do if you allow him to sit in your car but not touch the interior? can your worldly wise eyes see the 'so wonderful that you never thought of it' God's answer to your prayer if you do not allow access your room labelled eyes? can a virus in the folder called lifestyle ever be fixed if no permission was granted for the ultimate anti-virus to have the right to entry?

no. no. no.

if only you allow the mechanic to touch every other part of the car except for sitting in it. will he not be able to repair or even perk up your engine? say, spruce up your sits or what about giving the car a whole new paint job?

for that reason, open up your doors. every single door in your castle. the rooms, halls, secret rooms and all the alike. and why a castle? like one, our many rooms come with many windows and all these windows to not have curtains. it is evident for passerby to see the substance in the castle. as for you, is it evident for others to see the substance for the hope that you have? or is that 'substance' still tucked away with only a standing space somewhere deep in one of the many rooms in the basement labelled heart.

- bitter

job's comforter

2006-09-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

romans 12

1i beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

sacrifice in christian context always means the destruction or surrender of something for God. i always hear that the problem with living sacrifices is that the sacrifices always can climb off the altar anytime. true.

but pushing this abit further, sacrifices that climbs off the altar are not really sacrifices at all yet. they or it are just merely, something which has the potential to be a sacrifice. basis being that if sacrificed, the article being sacrificed would already be destroyed, in this case our lives no more or if surrendered, our lives obey God in every respect.

therefore i would say that so called living sacrifices that crawl off the altar is not what it claims to be. for the reason that sacrifice sacrificed have no option of a choice.

- bitter

schadenfreude

2006-08-23T12:58:00.000+08:00

get the world's first free and open source movie - elephants dream

where does the pink from coloured food come from - beetles

your very own decade old snowflake - no you do not have to keep it in the freezer

ah... the holy grail for those who live on numbers alone - ninetwosixteneleven

never seen a mole rat. go on click it - one mole, two mole, three moles more

words, words and more words, oh blather

- bitter

instauration

2006-08-23T12:39:00.000+08:00

i got stung by a stupid bee yesterday night.
went like this:

my arms wrenched uncomfortably backwards to try to scratch that itchy shoulder of mine and the next thing i knew was, "ouch" and this stupid bee managed to make its escape out of my shirt and shot for my ceiling lights - trapped there till it died.

so much for me trying to study. "so how does it feel like to be stung by a bee?" ask me and i will smack you.

things that always happen to me during the examination periods,

one. people short messaging or calling me in the dead of the night (i need my sleep).

two. other people short messaging or calling me only after i fall asleep after being cheesed by people referred to at the first point.

three. it or they distracting me from studying (it is the stupid bee this year).

- bitter

rube goldberg

2006-07-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

you seat positioned ready to devour the food laid before you. but your stomach starts to squirm, your throat constrict, your fingers becoming limp and your taste buds does not bud. that i have just realised are the symptoms for the "loss of appetite while going to eat" sydrome; in short loawgte or if you fancy - glotewa.

i used to think that i would use to thought that i would never become sick of eating sickly looking foods. i was right. instead, i experienced becoming sick of eating wholesome looking foods. you tell me, a bowl of hot nice soup accompanied with a bowl of rice - quite a feast considering the rice were super grains which produced natural monosodium glutamate and the soup fortified with multi-vitamins and fibre.

despite numerous delightful factors, i have learnt a lesson a few days back. where one series of unfortunate sighting made me not a virgin anymore. that is in retrospect to the glotewa not the loabe (loss of appetite before eating) syndrome. the lesson is that suffering from glotewa is not a very nice experience to have.

of all the people why did my eyes pick you out.

- bitter

weed

2006-07-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

all other brain always ask me why i do not like to slap some wax onto my hair and give it a nice texture.

well, it is just because i do not feel like it.
or rather, un-tampered hair makes a nice head to be patted.

- bitter

choptwig

2006-06-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

my idea of God's perfect birthday present.

- bitter

stunt

2006-06-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

if you thought the rumpus can smile the pus out of me, i am sorry it did not. as i said, i do mean it when i said i prefer to spend this day alone. just me, God and my bus ticket. and will this circle of three grow? maybe i will sing all day long.

tad sad that i did not get my annual dosage of psalm. maybe next year.

- bitter

far-reaching

2006-06-18T00:36:00.000+08:00

luke 10

29but he wanted to justify himself, so he asked jesus, "and who is my neighbor?"

romans 3

28... a man is justified by faith...

romans 5

1... since we have been justified through faith...

galatians 2

16... that we may be justified by faith...

galatians 3

24...we might be justified by faith.

still wanting to look for your neighbor?

- bitter

lobotomy

2006-06-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

a girl saw a couple greeting each other with a tight body hug followed by a kiss. he asked his mom, "mom, did not you say girls should respect their bodies and not let boys touch us anyhow. they even kissed!"

"do not be silly girl. it is alright for them," mom replied pausing for a moment to think of an excuse. "it is their culture."

later in the day, mom saw his daughter greeting her friend with a deep passionate kiss.

"relax mom," said the girl. "it is my culture."

how many times have you attributed the "all right" tag to all things culture?
does free love become acceptable because it is a culture?
will it be alright for me to kill you because it is a culture?
even in that there is that line between right and wrong.

- bitter

chunky bits

2006-05-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

do not ask me what ifs.

luke 22

33but he replied, "Lord, i am ready to go with you to prison and to death."

34jesus answered, "I tell you, peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me."

i am ready to die for you... not. that is why sometimes God allows things to happen to show us what we think we would do is not what we would do.

think very carefully before airing that mouth.

- bitter

critters

2006-05-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

person: Lord, we thank you for the good weather...

every other person: yes! amen! that is right!

person: even when we were sinn...

every other person: hallelujah! yes!

person: we ask that... (person still praying while accompanied by words from every other person below)

every other person: amen! right! great!

person: in Jesus name we pray,

me: ...

i can not agree to what i cannot hear or understand, understand?

- bitter

blonde

2006-04-23T20:50:00.000+08:00

dan brown's the da vinci code. disputable? yes, highly.

"which section is this so called book found in the library?"

"fiction."

enough said.

"upon reaching the required level of intellect to understand the meaning of fiction; no person would spend his time questioning the reality of how true the story of 'three little pigs and the big bad wolf' is although pigs and wolfs in true fact exists. that is, unless retarded." - selected

- bitter

oligosporus

2006-04-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

Luke 10

30jesus replied with an illustration: "a jewish man was traveling on a trip from jerusalem to jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. they stripped him of his clothes and money, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.
31"by chance a jewish priest came along; but when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by.
32a temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.
33"then a despised samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt deep pity.
34kneeling beside him, the samaritan soothed his wounds with medicine and bandaged them. then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him.
35the next day he handed the innkeeper two pieces of silver and told him to take care of the man. 'if his bill runs higher than that,' he said, 'i'll pay the difference the next time I am here.'

there is a second part to this story most people never heard, it goes - years went by and the priest was called home to be with the Lord. upon seeing jesus the priest could take it any more and blurted, "my Lord, i served you with all my life in the temple. doing just as you commanded but why, why was not your blessings on the people who came to worship you? why did you allow those wicked to suppress me so much. why did not you reach out your hand to help me, your faithful servant?"

soon after the priest finished his complaint, the temple assistant stumbled through the pearly gates. there he saw jesus and the priest. likewise, the temple assistant cried out, "Lord, my Lord! i had no inheritance to my name. you are my portion. but why, did not you provide for me. my house burned down. my field barren. how could you allow me to starve to death!"

at this point, jesus looked into both pairs of eyes which screamed 'i want answers!'.

creak... another person has just entered into heaven.

"ah... I have been waiting, my good and faithful servant," said jesus with exuberance. quickly as if almost this servant would disappear any moment soon, he walked up to him and gave him a hug.

"this samaritan, the one despised. clothe me when i was naked, fed me when i was naked and accompanied me when i was lonely," said jesus proudly with his arms firmly around this servant.

"but... but Lord, we served you whole-heartedly as you commanded. this samaritan..."

"yes! this samaritan he helped the jewish man, fed the hungry and clothe the naked. so in the same way i the Lord his God will help when he is injured, satisfy when he hungers and provide when he needs."

at this point, the pairs of eyes jesus was looking at welled with tears that cried 'forgive us.'

Matthew 25

35and here's why:
i was hungry and you fed me,
i was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
i was homeless and you gave me a room,
36i was shivering and you gave me clothes,
i was sick and you stopped to visit,
i was in prison and you came to me.'

40then the king will say, "i'm telling the solemn truth: whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me--you did it to me.'

Matthew 7

12so then, whatever you desire that others would do to and for you, even so do also to and for them, for this is (sums up) the law and the prophets.

i am more than just anyone - do to others what you desire that i would do for you.

- bitter

broth

2006-04-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 30

1"doom, rebel children!"
GOD's decree.
"you make plans, but not mine.
you make deals, but not in my Spirit.
you pile sin on sin,
one sin on top of another,

- bitter

spirited

2006-03-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

to you i would swing my fist but i shall not. smart lass, using the highs and lows, you thought it would pull me down, now i know what matters most. you thought stealing seeds would win the war, i have an automatic seed sprinkler. you thought twenty four hours would mean less time for me, i will wear a broken watch.

i will leave your face for the fist of my King.

- bitter

schwa it right

2006-03-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

"give a girl a right shoe and she can conquer the world!", "well, you see. give me time and i can do good.", "i need the right attitude. wait, when it comes distinction will come my way.", "i need to find the right person for this.", "argh. passion, more passion. you are just fulfilling your duty.", "i am busy this week. wait till the next and start the explosion..."

give me my God and i can conquer the world now!

- bitter

rouge

2006-02-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

did it yourself rouge kit.

instructions:
print the rouge above on an a-four size paper.
fold and keep it in your bag.
when needed, dab fingers with a little water and rub on rouge hard.
apply rouge on cheeks.

- bitter

one

2006-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

One.

- bitter

six of seven

2005-12-31T23:59:00.001+08:00

before the year ends, i would like to summerise my year. here it goes:

:]]] chin nana ayb kabod kabod grasshopper best friend jazz school chin finger to nose soundcard best friend wee motherboard golden land zenna :]]] best friend best book homework my bed food night chats best book food zenna best friend homework fridays best friend cafe best friend zenna jazz monkey xbox soccer ayb chin twdso best book strawberry zenna aandl chin dynamics bestfriend nobody else

- bitter

five of seven

2005-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

- bitter

four of seven

2005-12-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

speak up says the nation.

speak up says the society.

speak up says the people.

speak up says the minority.

it seems that everywhere now the world is talking about "democracy" of speech. speak up they say. we want to hear your opinion, or rather your opinion which supports our opinion. i do not know about you but i know if i am going to tell my lecturer you are one biased teacher i would get expelled. if i told my leaders your leadership is rotten to the core i would get blacklisted. if i told the country, "hey, if you continue such policies, the country would be heading towards moral decline!" i would get jailed.

speak up and be heard. rather, it is speak up and be hurt.

- bitter

three of seven

2005-12-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

tom felt around his side table for the alarm clock. eyes shut and his mind still in a daze. "click!" finally his hands manage to shut the alarm off. he looked at the time, eyes barely opened. it was only nine in the morning, he went back to sleep. tom did not have to go to school. there were no such things as school, there was only a jail for teachers.

the streets were empty with few people walking around. naked. welcome to the morning of banihamp town. the morning of twenty third june two thousand and thirty was no difference from the others. few naked people walking the streets, robots getting smashed, dead bodies hidden on every alley or the other. fresh air was the taboo. nobody talked about breathing in fresh air. second hand smoke, exhaust and coccaine haze was all the rage. in the centre of every town lies a smog generator filling the city with smog to breathe. being naked was normal. nobody talked about clothes. the last time any clothes were still around was twenty years back. the traditional people still wore them. if anyone wore clothes now you would be killed. do not be so traditional.

but one thing i know will definately catch your eye, half humans. people who have legs of a horse, a mane of a lion and endless. being completely human was too traditional. body tattoo and piercings don't even belong to retro, they are extinct. there were no brothels in this city. there was no demand for sex, sex with humans to be exact. people had sex with animals and inanimate objects. "too traditional", they say.

welcome to my town, banihamp. i shall stop my introduction here. i understand this might be something hard to visualise or believe but its true. my great-grandmother also had trouble eating it when someone told her that ten years down people would be having open sex, people attracted to the same gender and just enough cloth to cover your private parts would be the practice everywhere.

- bitter

two of seven

2005-12-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

the tongue is sharper than any sword. things always happened when God spoke, that is the power within words. so think before you speak.

you are weird. for so long i have known your name but not you, period.

move on. though some things i do not know. but i do know elisha burned his tools, killed his animals to feed the people. i know you will use rubbles of your past lives to build anew.

poor thing. have a direction, grow up. bad jokes are not at all nice.

you think you are good. but i think i can be better. although, you are leaving soon watch how you behave.

your eyes are failing you, not because of old age. maybe because you studied too much. get new lenses alright.

stop gossiping about the sins of others. think of what can you do about it.

great fat boy. cannot wait for you to be dress in black walking down a red carpet.

how would i describe you. smart, oblivious or both. nevertheless, i shall respect your anoiting.

stay ever so easy to tickle always.

i pray the Spirit be your ultimate teacher.

- bitter

one of seven

2005-12-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

yes. all you love is God.

yes. you are all joyful when you praise and worship.

yes. all that counts is the heart.

yes. you are just being all-the-natural-yourself before God

yes. you are not at all a dance-kind of person.

yes. you love the Lord with all your heart.

yes. you love the Lord with all your soul.

but not with all your strength...

"and you shall love the Lord your God with all your [mind and] heart and with your entire being and with all your might." deuteronomy 6:5

- bitter

coming soon

2005-12-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

year end entries.

catch them soon.

http://www.bitterfungus.blogspot.com

first page.

- bitter

megabore

2005-11-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

when you feel something wet and slimy on your back while sitting on your couch watching television, jump and and shake like you never done before. then swipe your hands frantically on your back. hoping the lizard would fly away.

when you see a swarm of bees flying towards you, turn around and run like you never ran before. then when tired stop to rest. hoping that the bees are tired too.

when a dog is chasing you, pretend so real like you never pretended before to pick up a stone and throw at it. then turn and run. hoping that it gets frightened away.

when you find yourself in a place you thought never exists where there is burning of brimstone and gnashing of teeth. just blame yourself for not recieving the good news when you had the chance. hoping that you can even find a reason for hope.

things are not quite right. yes, you are keeping something. weird.

- bitter

long potatos

2005-11-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

why so joyful. she has the answer.

- bitter

everywhere i go

2005-11-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

acts 1:8

8but when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere--in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

one of the most common understanding of the above is this - we should tell people about the good news, starting with our family, then our neighbours after which to the rest of the world. well, that rings true but what about the Holy Spirit? acts 1:8 reads, "but when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will recieve power and will tell people..." we (i am also guilty of it) often miss out the important point. it does not say you already have power and will tell people about the good news.

but. the keyword is but. it is only when we have the Holy Spirit we will recieve power. power to do what? power to be able (read, and will tell) to tell people about Jesus everywhere. how cool is that. we would all be able to tell people about the good news everywhere. without the Holy Spirit, we might only be able to tell people about the good news in our families or maybe our country. but when the Holy Spirit come upon us, we will recieve power and tell people about God EVERYWHERE. we would all be evangelists, amazing.

in short, we would all be super witnesses, super-charged with the power from the Holy Spirit. however, i would like to even challenge this further. this would be, "you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere--first to yourself, throughout your family, neighbours, and to the ends of the earth." we are called to be witnesses, not a sales person. the difference? the difference is conviction.

a sales person says and does whatever he can to sell off this thing he has. be it good or bad. he does not really care as long as it becomes sold. a witness however has conviction. he has been convinced and convicted himself therefore telling others about it not because he wants to sell this 'product' but because he knows it is real. it is really an irony to convince others of something which you are not even convinced about.

so, if you, yourself are not even convinced by the reality of the good news. i suggest you start to even preach to yourself daily. till you are convinced. till conviction sets in. then you will definately be able to tell people about Me to the ends of the earth.

called to tell, not sell.

- bitter

fast things

2005-11-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

isaiah 58

1"shout! a full-throated shout!
hold nothing back--a trumpet-blast shout!
tell my people what's wrong with their lives,
face my family jacob with their sins!
2they're busy, busy, busy at worship,
and love studying all about me.
to all appearances they're a nation of right-living people--
law-abiding, God-honoring.
they ask me, "what's the right thing to do?'
and love having me on their side.
3but they also complain,
"why do we fast and you don't look our way?
why do we humble ourselves and you don't even notice?'
"well, here's why:
"the bottom line on your "fast days' is profit.
you drive your employees much too hard.
4you fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight.
you fast, but you swing a mean fist.
the kind of fasting you do
won't get your prayers off the ground.
5do you think this is the kind of fast day I'm after:
a day to show off humility?
to put on a pious long face
and parade around solemnly in black?
do you call that fasting,
a fast day that I, GOD, would like?
6"this is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
7what I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
8do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
your righteousness will pave your way.
the GOD of glory will secure your passage.
9then when you pray, GOD will answer.
you'll call out for help and I'll say, "here I am.'
"if you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
10if you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down--and-out,
your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
11I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places--
firm muscles, strong bones.
you'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
12you'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
you'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.
13"if you watch your step on the Sabbath
and don't use my holy day for personal advantage,
if you treat the Sabbath as a day of joy,
GOD's holy day as a celebration,
if you honor it by refusing "business as usual,'
making money, running here and there--
14then you'll be free to enjoy GOD!
oh, I'll make you ride high and soar above it all.
I'll make you feast on the inheritance of your ancestor jacob."
yes! GOD says so!

if you.

- bitter

tree on a house

2005-11-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

fat. stupid. silly. dumb. idiot.

i am. i thought i never liked you that much. until i saw you today.

ok, i am a stan smith freak.

you are my next prey.

- bitter

stalk of hair

2005-11-04T23:27:00.000+08:00

i was greeted by a foul stench familiar to anyone how has ever cleared their priced bowels before upon entering my school's toilet. "very bad," i thought to myself. i wondered even with the excellent ventilation(and it is really good) in my school toilets, this guy has to have got a really expired faeces which were not opened.

i walked on forward towards the unrinal. the scare i got was even greater than watching sadako crawling out of the urinal. nobody was even using any of the cubicles. two generous servings of feces was in the toilet bowl. threatening to spill out any moment. the sparse strands of toilet paper did little to disguise the identity of the chocolate fondue want to be faeces.

later on in class, i could not concentrate during lectures. there was this smell. it is hard to describe, something like a mix of fish and wet socks. i thought it was the air conditioner or maybe even the carpets. boy, i was wrong. you see, in my class there are these few people who would sneak up on every opportunity to wear slippers like no tomorrow although a fifty dollars fine could be slapped on your face if you were caught. also with that habit, comes other which i would not want to go into details. back to the smell and you should have guessed it by now, them.

they sat in a row behind me. stretching out their feets towards the back of my chair with the fungus and bacteria on their feets celebrating and getting drunk on their sweat. the smell is really bad, two rows in front and it still lingers into the nose of others. i always see them together, stretching out their feets together, disrupting lectures together. i suspect there is a darker conspiracy behind that facade. until i figure that out, i conclude that today is a reekingly reeky day.

- bitter

pure pearly prunes

2005-11-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

how many times have you asked for God to touch you?

how many times have you asked for God to turn the nation around?

how many times have you asked God to do something?

do you remember that God measures the universe at the span of His hands. do you really want to be touched?

do you remember how God needed to destroy Samaria and Judah. do you really want the nation turned?

do you remember how God created the world in six days. do you really want something done?

I am not just going to touch you. I am going to move you.
I can turn the nation to Me. But can you feed them.
I can do anything by My word. But is it your word or Mine that you want done.

I am waiting, are you even prepared.

- bitter

in you go

2005-10-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

this coming tuesday the first of november - board games meet up @ central. please bring at least five dollars and fifty cents. time - six forty five p.m. . tell me if you are going, five people only.

- bitter

brown stains

2005-10-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

him: "to go to taman market how much?"

it: "seven."

we boarded the taxi and it drove us on our way there.

along the way. him: "taman market ok? the place to makan (stands for eat in another tongue)."

it: "..."

it brought us to the wrong place. we were at taman sentosa.

it: "gibberish. you said sentosa!"

him: "no, i said taman market. never say sentosa."

it: "intense gibberish. you never say taman market. next time taman say taman don't say sentosa. now ten dollars!"

the above is based on a true story. names of people have been changed to one befitting of them.

it in this case stands for a particular taxi driver. ugly and a lousy con man.

- bitter

look at Me

2005-10-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

i tried hard to study. i really did. but results were disappointing.
i tried.

i tried praying so fervent. i really did. but things things did not happen.
i tried.

i tried feeding them so much. i really did. but they were still hungry.
i tried.

i studied. i did. the straight a's were awesome.
i did not try.

i prayed. i did. the promises and wonders came.
i did not try.

i fed them. i did. they were full.
i did not try.

i tried but failed. dependent but blessed.

"be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." psalm 46:10

- bitter

lice and mice

2005-10-21T00:14:00.000+08:00

these ten days was smashing.

knowing a brother from blind to partially blind and human immunodeficiency virus positive to negative. seeing the deaf and dumb hear and talk. seeing people hearing about you in just minutes and getting saved. seeing orphans finding their parents. seeing children with aids who were waiting for death waiting for eternal life now. seeing the blind see. seeing the painful healed. seeing the broken whole. seeing the oppressed freed. seeing the confused enlightened. seeing the lost found. seeing love all around.

my ten days, smashing.

they sometimes say love is in the air
i always say it is
God after all is love

- bitter

black ink

2005-10-09T23:44:00.000+08:00

something is in the air of late. something i can not really put into words. chirpy, loud and not at all black like coffee. very nice. maybe. maybe i think we can be on par with the land of smiles. i can wait if you want but it is just days apart. between overly-riped harvest and an empty field. i know you can.

ten days seems quite long. what about a week and less than a half? seems shorter. but i would like to be just away for less than half a month, seems like only half a day. my mission is very possible. your's possible too, you too and you. i will be waiting for your verses. waiting to see your b grades, i am sure i will have my a grades. your friends come and stay. and you waiting for good news.

ah... the thing in the air, so much like the cycle of pentecost. let us all catch it.

you say i am too nice.
perhaps you are just too mean.

- bitter

metempsychosis

2005-10-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

if so that was true then the population of all animals and men have to be in proportion (assuming none has ever break free). but with six and a half billion people compared to only less then one third a few generations ago, that many animals must have died. and one or two more generations later we should not have enough animals to be provided in our diet.

if so that was true.

- bitter

contra wry

2005-09-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

let there be no premaretial sex.

no no... let there be sex without commitment.

oh no... let there be responsible sex.

no way... let there be safe sex.

so much for thinking that we have brains. it seems like we can not even make a stand on certain essential values. 'but things have to change with times.' no, i do not agree. 'however some things have to change with times,' i agree. if things have to change, why not change every single rule or law. i do not think they stand valid now if they have to change with times. certain things however, like values should never change. for the very reason that they are the things which guides us to live a life and not live that life thus making them worthy of the title value and not de-valued.

but you do not want any commitment. you want sex without commitment. it was just a fling and nothing more. you think you like/love him/her, its alright to have sex with someone you like/love or have no feelings for.

wrong, no, bad, retarded idea. the fact that you even bother to commitment yourself towards the idea of having sex without commitment because you do not like commitment is already a commitment. a very lousy excuse for a person named selfish. and if you ever think that sex is alright between just anyone, fine with me.

but the next time your wife/husband sleeps around do not whine. it is after all something which does not requires commitment, feelings nor between husband and wife.

society and law - a different ball game, playable on different courts. however the ball is the player and people becomes the ball being pushed around.

- bitter

will o' the wisp

2005-09-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

spunkchick kind, i try.

super worn out.
feel even more stretched then a thousand year wash.
i want to hit the sack.

but relaxing comes first.

this big dirty man sat beside me in the bus.
bare black foot sticking into my sitting space.
worse, he crossed it in my direction.

later, lifted up his shoes and dusted it.
in my direction.
yucks.

it used to be my favourite spot in the bus.
fine example of how adults ruin our dreams.
i will never sit there again.

really.

black and white picture on my wall.
laughter, fun and more fun.
the room where i always welcome.

someday you will find me...

- bitter

not busy

2005-09-15T23:08:00.000+08:00

the week has been blue. when i sleep i see my blue bed sheet. when i awake i see my blue walls. when i look out my window i see my blue curtains. when i try hard to study my mood turns blue. so lost in my revision now. i shall not ever start the semester on the wrong side of the bed again, i will also end up on the wrong side.

but for now, i will try hard to do all that i can. every few minutes or so i will also get stumped with equations and questions i have no answer to (owing it to the inherited no-ledge that i get from sleeping in classes). i look forward to the end of my exams. then after, the semestral break i have. i look forward to have free time. i can not wait, then we shall walk down shops together filling time with endless chatter. treating our feets to the aroma of coffee, eating mud pies as we watch people go by. till then when we are all...

- bitter

bronze snake

2005-09-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

a little boy came up to me and looked at me. his eyes then slowly wandered towards the plastic bag on the table.

"can i have the plastic bag? but without the chicken wing inside." he said with that look in his eyes as if he thought all plastics bags came together with a chicken wing.

You said i would be blessed in what ever i do but will i do. that the need for explanations will be smashed but will i be stubborn. that i will dream dreams and visions but will i be too busy counting sheeps. will i? will i have that innocence of the boy? let me percieve everything as you show me.

updates: settlers cafe this sunday. open to all.

- bitter

pink sherbet

2005-09-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

what is love. ask around and you will most probably get thousands of different answers. but afterall these are all just human standards. how true, love is three dimensional.

God is love.

God the father - the faithful sheperd and caretaker. serving only our best interest.

God the son - love in action. our example to follow. like always said - you can give without loving but can not love without giving.

God the spirit - our comforter. the spiritual anchor.

more than emotions and feeling. it only comes complete when you made that decision to love with all your heart.

"love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." - deuteronomy 6:5

- bitter

2005-09-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

this is zombie john. i always see him in his lab. helpful and nice just a little weird.

- bitter

please gag

2005-09-06T22:41:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to do this last assignment for the semester before my exams. but i forgot the topic upon the opening of microsoft word. i will just do some scribbling here for the time being:

freddy was the most good looking and handsome prince ever being born into the kingdom. every where he went, ladies would drool and look at him in the most mesmerising way. their eyes transfixed onto his dreamy eyes, only waiting for a chance where they would be so lucky to exchange glances. being the only son in his family, his parents were more then eager to find him the 'best' wife in the whole world. princesses, beauty pageants, face of the year and what not. freddy already had a date with each and every person in that long list by the age of twenty. in short, freddy was the 'man' in green pond county. the water rippled along with the vibrations of the ground. the ground shook with rhythm.

"boom... boom..."
"run! here comes the giants!" shouted freddy as the words almost could not find it's way out of his mouth as fear crept in. even before he finished the sentence, he was the first one out of sight, hidden somewhere in the thick foliage of the forest. cowardly, the only spirit which thrives in a luxurious and shielded lifestyle. even so, such behaviour seemed voided in his admirers mind. their mind at that point could only think of how brave freddy was to shout for everyone to hide from the giants.

in seconds, everyone from green pond county was nowhere to be found. the giants came and rummaged through green pond county's buildings and houses which gave way to the huge hands of the giants. by the time the giants left, a few unlucky greenies (citizens of green pond county) became the food of the giants. the giants, dreaded by all greenies mainly because of their large sizes and their occasional appetite for greenies. the giants in freddy's eyes - total outrage. after all the ruckus, freddy retreated back to his underground castle to his room and had the worst night in his life...

sarah was like any plain jane you would find on the streets. but she had one problem, a very horrible acne breakout caused her face to be in an even worser state than rambutans with their 'hairs' plucked. she never had any boyfriend. no guys would even want to talk to her. one day eveything changed. while out in her garden plucking weeds, she found freddy. it was then she remembered the story she heard when she was young. the frog and the princess and how the frog became a handsome prince.

she figured it was her only chance. sarah closed her eyes with her lips pouted as if trying to squirt water out. her lips touched freddy's. freddy woke up with a shock. still sweating from the nightmare he dreamt about. he dreamt that he got caught by a giant. but that thought was broken with the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. skin greener than any of the greenest mould with a face rougher than any tree bark. splendid. sarah too saw freddy and thought he was fabulous and who would have thought that a moment ago freddy was just a sticky frog in her eyes. she could not remember that now, she turned into a frog.

the frog and the princess. sarah was right, that was her chance and she found it. just that she did not know that it was the person with the special status that would not change.

special people never conform, the grass is always greener on the other side, you never understand unless you become, my prince can make any rubbish a beauty.

- bitter

sky lee

2005-09-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

it is really interesting how people would go up to a food display and touch it to feel for themselves whether the food is warm or not. food on display just serve to show you what the food is like not a gauge of how piping hot it would be or how fresh it would be from the kitchen. however many people seems to think otherwise.

wonderful, it has been two days and the topic i have thought of to write is still forgotten somewhere in my head. blame the topic not me.

- bitter

marah

2005-08-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

deja vu. the only recollection of when i felt that was never. it seems that in my life, things do not happen twice which is in my opinion quite normal. rooted between the extremes of weird and cool.

bad. very bad nightmares. i never had dreams. that was an exception maybe i was not sleeping. just a fraction of my imagination. annoying annoying annoying. i never use to mind about last minute, unprepared programs. but i guess it is the stakes which is involve here. prizes that will never be stolen or decayed. they never used to be so wishy washy pushy bashy. i guess i never really opened my eyes till now.

words used in nicknames that resembles so close to words in stars last year that my hair stands. i am sure it was never opened. huanting. let this be the last, you never answered anyway.

you always ask, "why bitterfungus?". a smile never fails to be the only answer. possiblities. are not they amazing. i have to say it the the open ended-ness of things that we always so silently cheer on. "why are my entries so amorphous?" again i will only smile. well, the possibilities like my wit, infinite.

sadly the only brave soul commenting twice is a automated comment generator. well i have to afterall out of goodwill reciprocate that gesture although the system will never get it.

- bitter

pariah

2005-08-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

the mornings are becoming very nice. cool, chilly breezes covered by a baby blue sky. reminds me of days which did not have a bright outlook. days where the dawn and twilight both greeted from the same family of drizzle. prefect; for lying in bed trying to sleep. no, counting sheeps will not help on a day such as this. water droplets on this occasion splattering on the windows sings a much more effective lullaby.

pitiable that they do not make long visits anymore. i have been thinking. sometimes questions are best left unanswered. not that i do not wish for one. but sometimes when the reply gives you the silent treatment you get tired. it does not matter anymore.

fall afresh on me.

- bitter

history or yours

2005-08-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

there above the musky carpet flowed warm blood, fresh from the body. and resting above the blood was jason's body. lifeless, eyes wide open as if trying to capture the person he last saw. but by now all that his eyes could tell was the pain and horror that caused him to be in this sad state.

i caught myself standing there looking at jason wondering. wondering what happened. was it an accident? did he provoke someone or did he poke himself. wild guesses, they always never tell the truth, playing around with the what if. my eyes opened wide scouring this scene of crime. there, this worn out book. a diary perhaps. as i flip the pages for clues the contents gave away the secret identity of the book. just as i thought.

the last entry went:

fifteen june, two thousand and six. fine weather.
vexatious.how dare he call me a jerk. that fiend. to think that i thought he was my friend. i shared everything with him. i wonder whether these bullying have been instigated by him. if has got to be. so what i cheated in tests. it was only just a small test. he must have tipped off the teacher. bad day for me to find out your true colours. i am going to make him pay.

ah... a murder. the classic "i hate, i kill" situation. i can not help but have to be the judge being in such a scenario. that sense of achievement like putting that last piece of puzzle together, ineffable. i here by pronounce jason guilty of false accusations and deserved death for the horrible things he have been doing.

however somewhere in the corner of the room stood this mirror. green, overgrown with lichens and mosses. hardly capable of giving a reflection anymore. but if one bother to give a look at the mirror. they would find that deep within the cracks of the skin the mirror had grown over time played a story. a story of jason right in the same room with a group of bullies. blaring at them, "stop these nonsense. do not you dare touch jack. jerk." then as jason gave voice to the words above behind the door appeared jack hearing clearly all that was after dare. this was its story just only waiting for ears to hear.

one was there all along. the other was just clues. the words of a witness against a judge which would be heavier?

"... though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth... he was led like a lamb to the slaughter..." isaiah 53:7,9.

- bitter

four zero nine zero

2005-08-18T23:01:00.000+08:00

i never expected words here to be digested or even noted. but the journey chasing after the big wooden bed is always filled with surprises. i am yahoo surprised. very.

today i was on the bus heading back home. then came this guy with this really huge bag and a semi-dry umbrella. beside me on my left was this metal grab pole and nobody on my left. i never thought he would be that retarded to sit beside my and squeeze me between the pole and him. he did. i was so traumatised by this mindless act that he had done. he proceeded to rest that big horrible black bag on his lap which protruded out a lot and invaded my special place on my lap for my bag. i felt pacified with the cold metal grab pole holding me to my left and the scruffy barbarian (he really looked like one) on my right trying ever so unknowingly (but it was very obvious) to encroach my seating space with every passing second.

that was until the reality of his stench started to sink in. it would be absolute ecstasy for cockroach the dung beetle and a like. i got of the bus. and something off the tangent, chocolate factory or the journey of noah, any takers?

i stress again, i really hope people had more common sense.

- bitter

knee deep

2005-08-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

walking on the streets is not easy. every now and minutes you encounter a pedestrian crossing or a zebra crossing or an overhead bridge. it has been a concern for blair. the yob culture. yes, i certainly think that policemen should seriously do something about it. instead of changing rules that allow them to shoot suspected (and not confirmed) suspects right in the head, they should change it to pacifying suspected people with the yob potential. reason being that terrorist them being so fond of bombs will some how in the near future by so freak accident (accounted to probability) will bomb themselves to death. however, the yob culture in the near future will only cause more and more people to be blind, retarded or even paralysed. and in the far future will cause the whole planet to be left with retarded people and yobs yobbing their own kind - then humans equals extinct.

this is not to be taken with a pinch of salt. as disasters and the recent tsumanis have proven, animals can sense impending disasters and the british lion on my shirt of late is beginning to look weird. instead of standing on its hinds, it is on its fours as if preparing to run away.

this are only some of my concerns which i voice out as a good citizen but my utmost concern brings us back to the first sentence. cars should be banned. accidents on roads are by far the most notorious on statistics to earn them the title of king of accidents. also most of these accidents either leaves its victim dead or for the not much better. measures like pedestrian crossing and overhead bridges will only cause people like us to contemplate to just cross the roads just like that. have to stop over wait or even climb steps every other minute does not make one more happy. roads should be now all be built underground (with the ground above free for us to roam) or vehicles should all be installed with this human detector which will cause the vehicle to stop if it senses any people within hit and run distance.

we talk about democracy, freedom of speech, freedom which does not hurt but vehicles they destroy this freedom, they take away lives, lives which have hold on ever so tightly to this dream, shattered.

- bitter

green monkeys

2005-08-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

i shall leave the paper chase behind my head for this week. i was walking home today from school thinking about cedar. you see, cedar is my practical lecturer. and as all geeks know it is the sacred cow to be dress appropriately in the laboratory - meaning pants, proper top, covered shoes and hair kept in place with the nice white laboratory coat. in all my sessions with him , i never ever saw him with a laboratory coat on.

having no laboratory coat is the worse thing you can ever do to me, your poor little student who looks up to you. never mind if you never stuck to the code of the laboratory geeks but you never gave me a full marks for my section regarding attire. i never flouted the rules once. here is my score for you one out of five thousand and you guessed it. the four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine is for that laboratory coat.

- bitter

cauliflower sydrome

2005-08-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

it seems sleeping early before days which has test does not help at all. i just dicovered for myself today.

it all went like this;

monday - the only thing i studied for this test is the student's-t formula to evaluate statistical significance in the testing of food. and the only question i did not know how to do in the test was one which required me to use the student's-t formula.

tuesday - i never really read through my notes for today's statistics test. the test was a breeze. only when i handed up my paper and explained to my "poor i did not see the hint for that 'hard' question" classmate did i realise i did that question wrongly. it was easy but i just did it wrongly.

stuff like that really spoils my week. even the pastry making session in the afternoon just now did not help a bit.

a reason good enough to put august behind bars. i will start this month with september.

- bitter

yellow pages

2005-07-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

jaded ~ (adj)/

one. a fungus who has gone through many many cycles of sporification and has become tired of it.

two. a fungus who has gone green by binging too much thus feeling like vomiting.

three. a fungus who has found what it wants and is blushing.

four. a fungus who hopes that the end of the year would be a new start.

- bitter

water-philic

2005-07-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

just minutes before taking the test, i asked her about the four factors that affect total quality cost. then on the second page of the paper of the test the question asked was, "what is the four factors that affect total quality cost?" i was stumped. all i could remember was that i asked this same question a few minutes before (and got the answer) but i just could not recall the answers.

i got back my test paper (a different test from the above). the teacher went through my paper with me to see if there was any questions that was wrong and needed her enlightening touch. there was none. no, i did not score full marks but i did get all the questions correct. well, almost. those questions that needed substitution of values into to final equation was wrong. i got all of the numerical answers wrong. how hard can substituting x equals two into a quadratic equation.

i could have got more, in fact full marks. but having at least eighty eight percent for both tests is something i am not really happy with when i know that i could have done better.

i seriously could have got more. more sleep before days labelled with the words test.

- bitter

the pot of gold

2005-07-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

"help me to take the film out."

she approached me with a camera in hand. i took a closer look and to my horror the film cover was opened.

i thought, "what! the whole film is exposed now."
"why did you open the cover? now everything is spoilt!"

"but i want to put the film back in. - read rewind."

"but now there is no need for rewinding already. everything is spoilt. you can just pull the film out."

lady number two walks in and says, "no, the film is inside. so it still can be used."

"ah... film which has been used is moved to the outside of the film can. and that is why there is a need to rewind. and now when the cover is opened all the used film gets exposed. and argh..."

i am not really angry at the exposed film. maybe more of the fact that the photos they took in australia would never be seen by me or anyone else ever.

sometimes i just really wished that people had more common sense.

- bitter

mosia c

2005-07-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

i could just go on and on talking about my love for life. everyday should be given a new name. newday, surprisingday, different day or something. just like opening a new kinder bueno surprise egg everyday. i will never know what i am going to get. but one thing remains, the aftertaste of life, simply wonderful.

i love bitter chocolates. the kind that taste bitter. the kind that looks dark and menacing. the kind that leaves a trail of slight astringency. but always after every flavour has displayed its prowess, sweetness then comes in.

i love spending rainy days under shelter, playing board games. the kind of grey, loose clouds. the kind that seemingly sifts rain through it's cover. the kind of games that brings laughter. but always after the cloud has gone dry and the game has stopped, i start to miss the last second that passed.

i love zombie john, dead eagle, mycelia, black, rotten, electronic, school, can change base, work like hell, uncle chan, daniel, fiak head, oosh, barcode, calculator, monkey and so much more.

i love company. wait, i hear a call, luring me to it. i turn around and see my homework waving at me. i think i have to be in company with homework now if not tomorrow's egg would not be kinder bueno's but pandora's egg. i could learn to love homework. life.

- bitter

horrible text

2005-07-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

i visited the store rooms, distribution rooms, hot kitchen (a super large size kitchen where all the cooking is done), cold kitchen (another super large kitchen where all the preparation of the food is done), research and development kitchen and the lab where they test random samples for yeast and all that make us sick.

everything was so awsome. wearing this dust coat which looks more like a uniform you would see the sushi boy wearing and a dust cap walking around this building which produces about sixty five thousand persons' share of food daily.

my last stop was the stimulated aircraft cabin, sac in short. when i went in, the people presented me and my class with samples of their food and i had to evaluate it (that was what i came for, the sensory evaluation of plane food). they then closed the cabin and raised the pressure and stuff. my ears felt deaf, my nose and mouth felt so dry. the same experience you get when in the sky in a plane without the occasional vibrations and bumps. the same food was presented again for us to evaluate. mmm... some yummy lunch.

lesson learnt: airplane food taste very different on gound as compared on air.

- bitter

green plus brown equates

2005-06-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

origami. that always intriguing art of folding paper into shapes which resembles something like an animal of sort. neat trick. but what was paper made for anyway? to be folded into shapes resembling chickens or cranes of sort for animals deprived countries to admire? since the days of the triangular tombs and heaven's mandate paper was invented to write.

people come up with all kind weird theory about what am is life supposed to mean - just live life and die, do good, do not kill and cupboards full worth of many more stuff. do not strut such ideas in front of me. you are in the most simple fact making origami out of life.

i collect writing papers. i do not care whether if you can be folded into a frog. if i wanted origami papers i would collect them. but since you are unwritable, i will just have to throw you away.

- bitter

november's gift

2005-06-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

everyone has their own favourite number. some the number that is on their favourite sports player. some like those auspicious numbers. this log names it as the solace number. as everyone clings on to the number they call their very own, nathan stood beside the lamp post. the spot where the light would shine.

it was twelve in the morning. while the sun was still covered in his blanket and the falling moon and fading stars could not illuminate the way back, standing by lamp post was the only safe thing to do. he was thinking of the number to call to get for help. not the smartest thing to do when there is not any phone booth in sight. the sun never woke up for the morning nor did the moon fall or the stars disappear. everything seemed to become a picture, frozen in a frame.

all this when the solace numbers of people changes. nathan stood beside the lamp post labelled twenty three. he did not make his life revolve around that number. instead things always happens (normally unwelcoming) when twenty three is around. but somehow some years down the road when you walk past that picture of nathan by the lamp post, you will spot a smile on that face. somehow twenty three became his solace number.

- bitter

perfect seven

2005-06-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

it simply scares me how much fakes are there in the market now. they look almost the same but it all does not make sense when the names read:

adidust - forever spoilt
mike - just sing it
pooma - do eat with quality
tack heuer - suede avant-garde since 1860
macdonald's - eye am loving it
kenducky's - finger licking goods
pore frank - is your best fiend

the above are just examples of possible retarded fakes. there might be other names out there close to the real ones. remember, keep your eyes open and look before buying.

- bitter

binge,ham behaviour

2005-06-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

i once asked the person sitting beside me this question, "why do you smoke?"

i expected the usual answer of - it helps me to relax, destress and feel good. no, my question was not reciprocated as i had already made up in my mind.

"well, i used to smoke but i managed to stop smoking. since school started, the stress made me puffed again."

it was time for the next lecture. i could not remember what lecture was it on that day. my mind was somewhere else. the smoking to destress concept seems so stupid to me. i can never put myself into their shoes, i was never there. i also heard there is this new kind of destress-feel-good 'medicine'. it does not cost much. maybe just a few bucks. some is even free. you just have to step into this shop (cloud nine) and they have all kinds of such 'medicine' there. they have swimming, sleeping, shopping, playing games, going out with friends and lots more. what is more, they do not require you to befriend cancer. you will be on cloud nine instead of seeing your life going up in smoke.

well, maybe high society people would prefer the more costly cure for the common stress. for me, i have enough friends i do not need one more. call me cheap but i prefer cheap thrills.

- bitter

brownies are brown

2005-06-01T22:29:00.000+08:00

the past two weekends has been a ghastly experience for me. long weekends. having to get scolded for i do not know what. having to give mosquitos a buffet.

despite all this, it is comforting to know that my bed is always there to soothsay me to sleep. but having four women in the household puts me in a very difficult place. having to deal with four different once in a month mood swings. each lasting a few days. that leaves me half a month to catch my breath.

i neeed a recharge...

- bitter